Phil is from Northern Ireland. Amin is from Lebanon. PM is from Scotland. Jamie from America, and Andy from England. These men have been my small group members for the past year. ?Phil is my running partner. Amin is a quiet, deep young man I am presently discipling, PM is my musical inspiration. Jamie one of the most outgoing, positive men I know, Andy a gifted teacher and speaker. ?We few, we happy few, we band of brothers? (Shakespeare). ?We few, we happy few, we spiritual friends? (Quintana).
Our aim for the past year has been to encourage and challenge one another to be all that we can be in Christ. We?ve read scripture together and prayed together. We?ve shared frustration and laughter in equal measure. We?ve taken territory and grown into greater Christian maturity together, and we?ve fallen short and fallen on our face together. We?ve served together and we?ve relaxed together. We?ve shared our lives with one another and we have spoken the truth in love (Eph 4:15) correcting one another. I believe covenant and committed relationships together are both a great blessing from the Lord to those who follow after him and unfortunately sorely lacking in the lives of many Christians.
Mutual encouragement and challenge is what spiritual friendship is all about. It happens in one to one relationships and it happens in small groups, both formally and informally, with those very similar to us and those very different from us. It happens because ?It is not good for the man to be alone? (Gen 2:18) and it happens because ?when brothers live together in unity?there the Lord bestows his blessing? (Ps 133). It happens with members of the opposite sex, and (I believe crucially and sadly increasingly seldom in our modern world) it happens with members of the same sex.
The Bible gives us many clear images and strong exhortations regarding our relationships together and what we are called to be. We are described as ?the body of Christ,? ?an army,? ?partners in the Gospel,? ?the family of God,? the list goes on. What we are called to be for one another is both exciting and intimidating.
In John 15:14-16, Jesus tells his Apostles; ?You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master?s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father, I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit ? fruit that will last.? The relationship he describes with them is one of affection and care but also one of commitment and responsibility. In a real way, Jesus on his way to his death, is asking his closest friends to bind themselves to him and to the work which he has been about. This maturity and co-operation in recognizing and doing the will of the Father is the key quality that makes the Apostles his friends. It appears as though Jesus has come to rely on them ? they mean something more to him than servants merely doing a master?s bidding ? he recognizes and appreciates their commitment and accompaniment of him as friends.
In contrast to this Christlike notion of friendship, there are many other competing images we are offered today of how friends are made and what they are to be to one another ? images which are often unhelpful in developing Christ-centred friendships. One key illusion we often suffer from is imagining that relationships in Christ or spiritual /covenant friendship should be easy. In fact, they are not easy and often the best relationships are the most difficult and can require a lot of effort. We can also have an idea that the goal of the Christian life is to have a ?best friend,? an intimate spiritual relationship without which life is incomplete. A further pitfall can be the notion that we can only be close with those who are very much like us. Thirty years later, my friend Mike and I still chuckle over a mutual acquaintance who told him ?you know Mike, you?re not really my type,? and then proceeded to serve and share life in Christ very closely with him for many years afterwards. I?ve also seen so many Christians withdraw from relationships in which they had been hurt or let down, convinced that committed relationships were just not worth the pain they sometimes bring. So if these are some wrong notions, what then should characterize Christian relationships of spiritual friendship? Let me share with you my super seven.
Commitment ? I believe that a common commitment to Christ as well as a clear commitment to one another is the only thing that can provide the basis as well as the glue for a long-term, life-giving spiritual friendship. This commitment cannot be expressed merely in words, it must be expressed in action. What are we willing to do for one another? I am reminded of the story in Matthew 9 when the friends of the paralytic lowered him through the ceiling as that was the only way to get him to the place where Jesus was teaching. You see, these friends were willing to do whatever it took to get their needy friend into Jesus? presence. Now that is commitment, and those are the kind of friends I want!
Honesty ? How difficult it is to be truly open and honest with one another. The painful truth is that we want others to think well of us, and if we are not totally honest, that can lead us to hide things from one another or even to mislead those close to us. This lack of transparency and honesty of course is no basis for friendship (Christian or otherwise).
Accountability ? Being honest is essential, but it is really only the beginning. We need to give others permission to speak into our lives. We need to be held accountable by others if we hope to follow through on our nice declarations and plans for growth in Christ. How about giving one another a ?knife,? with which to speak into our lives and help cut away all that does not lead us into the fullness of God?s intention for our lives? My Austrian brother Martin, in addition to being a great ?book suggester? is also willing to speak the truth to me when I need to hear it. Iron sharpens iron, and so one man sharpens another. Blessed is he who is not alone when he falls.
Encouragement ? I once heard you ought to offer someone five words of encouragement for every word of correction (that sounds like a good ratio if you ask me). I vividly recall all the words of encouragement I received as a young Christian from my first mentors. They gave me hope that I could overcome the obstacles I was encountering and that there was a chance that I indeed could become the man of God that he intended me to be, that I could become ?my best self.? Thank you my brothers, thank you dream-inspiring spiritual friends.
Forgiveness and Forbearancev ? The painful truth is that each of us is at best a saved sinner, and a ?work in progress.? We desperately need others to forbear our shortcomings and to forgive our wrongdoings. Horribly enough we often hurt those whom we love most, those with whom we are closest. And somehow, we are humbled by this human reality, that is when this jar of clay, this earthen vessel, can be transformed into Christ?s image and likeness. Like Paul (Rom 7) we often do the very thing we do not wish, and we struggle to find it within ourselves to say those difficult words, ?I am sorry.? We need to become ?offerers? and ?receivers? of forgiveness and forbearance if we are to be true spiritual friends.
Accompaniment ? True spiritual friends know how to ?be there? for one another. They have learned to accompany each other in good times and in bad times, and to ?carry each other?s burdens? (Gal 6:2). They have learned how to make room for others and practice true Christian hospitality. The sign on their door always says ?vacancy? (there is room for you here) and the mat at their door always says ?welcome? (not, ?go away!?). All of us are in keen need of ?cymbrogi? ? companions of the heart ? with whom to join our lives and with whom to labor side by side for the faith of the Gospel. As my friend Pete Greig of 24-7 Prayer puts it ? we ?choose to be friends traveling together and dreaming along the way.?
Love ? ?And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity? (Col 3:14). Spiritual friendship at its core is all about love, sacrificial servant love. Sure it is a challenge. Sure it requires effort. Sure it requires placing God and others before ourselves, but the unity and intimacy to which the Lord calls us is a deep entering into the unity and intimacy of the Triune God himself.
Dave Quintana (Q) is an elder in The Servants of the Word, an ecumenical missionary brotherhood of men living single for the Lord. Dave travels extensively, primarily speaking to and working with young people and singles. Email Dave with questions or with inquiries about his book of daily meditations, ?Daily Meds from the Q Source? (dquintana@servantsoftheword.org).
The New International Version Bible has been referenced.
Source: http://vantagepoint.com.sg/2012/10/building-a-covenant-relationship/
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